Let’s Talk Debt
Who better to talk about how to get this country out of debt than someone whose campaign is 4.5 million dollars in debt? I’m your man, America!
Open Sesame
I’m trying to get to an open convention to see what would happen. But then I tried having an open marriage once and we all know what happened there.
Guess what, Romney?
You can’t run a campaign without principles. Just look at me. Why else do you think I’m losing?
April Fools!
I was never really running for president. It was all a hoax! Haha!
Standing a Chance at Getting Elected
I am at Georgetown where there is standing room only for my speech. We took all the chairs out of the room so I could say that.
Dr. Do Little
I have a passion for dropping by zoos every chance I can. I can talk to the animals. They want the price of gas to go down, too.
The Running Man
There are probably no circumstances that will get me to drop out of the presidential race. In fact, I’m going to run for president every day for the rest of my life. And I expect the media to follow my every move.
On Afghanistan
The United States should tell the Afghans, live your own miserable life. Which is exactly what I said to each of my ex-wives when I found out they were ill. I didn’t want any part of that misery, thank you very much.
Scrambled Thoughts
Obama is like a guy who thinks he can make eggs hard by putting them in the freezer. Of course, I have no idea why he would need to know how to make eggs hard. But if he did need to do that, this country would be in big trouble.
Wipe Out
Governor Romney has an Etch A Sketch as his campaign model. Those things only work for marriages and ethics violations.
It’s Romney’s Fault
Romney has always had an ability to drown us with negative advertising. If people didn’t know all those negative things about me, I’d be the frontrunner now.
Flip Flop
Romney changes positions the way I change wives. Just sayin.
I Love Life
I love the process of interacting with people. And then dumping those people for better, younger people.
Keep Smiling
People who smile are healthier than people who frown. That is literally true. Statistically, you get fewer sicknesses if you smile. Just look at my ex-wives. The more miserable I made them, the sicker they got.
I’m so Smart it Smarts
My ideas are so grandiose, the news media can’t cover it and candidly, my opponents can’t comprehend it. In fact, you’re all a bunch of dummies who don’t deserve to have me as your president.
